Where Is God In My Loss? by the Rev. Noel E. Bordador

Where is God in My Loss?
by the Reverend Noel E. Bordador

When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept.
Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?” Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. “Take away the stone,” he said.
“But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.” Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.” When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.

- John 11: 32-44

One inevitable reality of human life is the experience of loss. Loss. Loss of a job, loss of good health through illness, loss of a dream, loss of money or fortune, loss of a relationship, a marriage or friendship, or loss because of death. In any of these losses is involved an experience of pain, an experience of suffering. In today’s Gospel, Jesus experienced pain over the loss, the death of his friend whom Jesus deeply loved. Jesus was overcome, overwhelmed by the suffering of such a loss that the Gospel recorded him to have wept over his beloved friend’s death. This is the only instance in the Christian Scripture in which Jesus is shown to be profoundly human in his grief. Scripture tells that Jesus was not immune to human suffering and pain. I know that many of us here have shed tears over our own losses. I know I have. I can still remember the day when one of the most important women in my life, my grandmother, died. That was forty some years ago, and still at times, when I think of her, I still shed tears for this woman.

When we experience pain and suffering because of our loss especially one that is profound, we might feel many things. For one, our loss could make us feel as if life has become more unpredictable, something beyond truly our control. Thinking and believing that life has some sense of order and meaning, an experience of loss could throw us off, and could make us feel less secure about life, and this feeling of vulnerability could make us question the meaning of life. In that struggle for meaning, we often turn to God, searching not only for consolation, but also with deep questions arising from the depths of our hearts. Where is God in my loss? Where is God indeed in my pain and suffering? If God loves me, then why would God allow this to happen to me? We might even feel as if God has abandoned us. Both Mary and Martha in the Gospel today teach us that it is okay to come to God with such questions. Both Mary and Martha went up, ran up to Jesus, and protested, “You’re late,” “Why?” “Why have you not come sooner?” To have questions for God is not a sign of disbelief. Indeed, the courage to face God with such deep questionings that fill our heart is itself a sign of belief. It is possible to have questions for God, and still believe. Indeed, to believe in the night of faith, to endure the night of the spirit and yet believe is itself heroic holiness.

Note that Jesus does not explain away the experience of suffering and death. Rather, he assumes and embraces suffering and death to be part of human life. However, Jesus does more than say, “Grin and bear it.” He gives hope. And he gives hope in the following ways.

First, Jesus sanctifies the suffering and pain of Martha and Mary by his comforting presence. Despite their feeling of God as being far removed from them, despite their feeling of God as aloof from their pain, God comes to be in the midst of their pain and suffering Likewise, when we feel distant from God because of our own experience of loss, the Gospel assures us that God is truly present, although perhaps hidden from the eyes of faith. The Gospel promises us that God is especially near to the brokenhearted. In the weeping Jesus, we see God as One who weeps with those who weep. In Jesus whose heart breaks over the death of a much loved friend, we see the heart of God breaking for those whose hearts are broken by their losses. Yes, God knows, God can feel our loss and grief because he himself has experienced heartbrokenness and loss when his Son died on the awful cross. The promise of the Gospel to us is not that we will live a life free from pain, loss or death. The promise is that whatever we endure in this life, God will be with us.

Secondly, Jesus gives hope to Mary and Martha that whatever suffering, pain or loss they experience, these things do not have the final word about human life. When Mary and Martha felt that God didn’t come through for them, when they thought that God was just too late, they soon realize that the grace of God never comes too late for those who love God. Yes, it is true that God does not function according to human schedule and time, and God does not function according to our own human plans and ideas of how our life should proceed, but God comes in his time, and God’s salvation is promised to the brokenhearted. The Good News today is that even as we bear our crosses in this earthly life, our suffering acquire a profound spiritual and holy meaning in light of the promise and hope of salvation. Jesus not only embraces and endures human suffering; he also transcends, and more. He also sanctifies and redeems suffering and pain with the hope and promise of salvation. When we feel as if God is nowhere near us, the Gospel challenges us to believe that God, in fact, is in charge; God, in fact, is in control even if it feels like the world and life around us seem to be unraveling. Perhaps this is hard to believe when we are at the tombs of our disillusionment, disbelief and confusion. Yet, the Gospel says that as we suffer now the afflictions of life, Jesus promises that these afflictions would not compare to the glorious destiny that awaits us, the glorious destiny that is hidden in the wounds of life we carry in us, just as the wounds of Jesus crucified on the awful cross contained, after all, the seeds of eternal glory. The raising of Lazarus to life is but a promise to us beloved friends of God, that we shall be raised to a better life, a life of glory, where suffering and pain would be no more. Let us remind ourselves that both Cross and glory are our destiny.

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